You’ll see from the lack of entries on this blog that I totally failed in documenting that goal. For over half the year I also believed I had failed in achieving that goal. And then something interesting occurred: I put some thought to the happenings of the past 12 months – to the daily moments, the small celebrations, the big epiphanies – and I realized that 2011 had not been a year of failure after all. In fact, even today there are visual reminders of success. I almost missed it because it didn’t look anything like I expected it would look.

When I chose the word HEALTHY in January, I hoped that twelve months would bring a significant weight loss, a habit of fresh foods, a joy of home cooking, and a pattern of regular sleep. I expected to feel more energy, less sickly all the time. I expected to need an entirely new wardrobe. None of those things occurred. Hence, my assumption that 2011 was a failure in the area of goals. I also wanted to embrace creativity in a larger way, to focus on personal art projects that brought a renewed health to my mind and my spirit. Again, I determined that this goal ended in failure because much of my year was spent in front of a laptop with the television droning in the background. Sometimes 24/7. Definitely not healthy. No matter what I may have been “watching.” With those things in mind, I declared 2011 a resolution FAIL. And vowed to make 2012 “the year.” But then I came to a realization…

It all began with a pair of jeans. Jeans that, last year, did not fit comfortably during the first hour of wear because they were simply too snug in the waist when freshly laundered. This year, when the weather finally turned almost cool, I pulled on those jeans and found room to spare. At first I believed they must had been worn and placed back in the closet unwashed. I rarely do that, but perhaps this one time? I wore the jeans all day and found them to be far too loose for my taste. Baggy in weird places. Still I didn’t think much of it… until I wore a different pair a week or so later. And those were just as loose on first wear. Freshly laundered but looser than ever. Suddenly I realized! I had kept off enough weight to make my clothes fit loosely! And my thoughts turned to the summer and another moment of success.

While visiting my parents in July I stepped onto the scale after a shower one day and saw that I weighed 30 pounds less than the last time I’d weighed, sometime during the past 6 months. Thirty pounds! And I’d not been on the Healthy wagon for four months by this time! But in those four months of neglect and passivity toward my yearly goal I had still managed to keep 30 pounds at bay. That was clearly a success! I held onto that Win throughout the remainder of the year, but until I encountered the results in my clothing I still did not treat it as a completion of my resolution. After all, I still wasn’t sleeping properly and I still didn’t see much difference in the mirror. I also wasn’t eating properly. No, not at all. The old habits were ever-present, with fast food my most frequent menu. Yet, in the midst of all those bad habits, I’d remained thirty pounds lighter than before. Thinking back on this while analyzing my looser jeans, I could not deny that I had made some headway on this goal of HEALTHY.

Nearing the holidays I mentioned all of this to my mother. I still couldn’t believe my clothes were telling a different story than my mind, but she agreed that I had made some progress this year. She hadn’t noticed the clothes – I’m a plus-size girl with a tendency for ill-fitting clothing, so that did not surprise – but she pointed out that I seemed to be healthier than I’d been in a very long time. There seemed to be fewer stomach issues (which I’d had for over a decade), and I’d been more joyful this year than other times. And despite my irregular sleeping patterns, I had, in fact, been able to go to sleep and sleep more restfully than the past few years. At least, she noted, I was able to get to sleep when I went to bed rather than lying awake for hours before drifting off. That itself counted for a lot on this road to Healthy. I had to agree.

In the end, I’m not where I imagined I’d be by December 31, 2011, but I’m further along than ever. And that encourages me and motivates me to continue on this path. While I have chosen a new word for 2012, I will continue to hold onto HEALTHY, as well. That period at the end of the word up there? That will remain in the front of my mind. I want Healthy to be a lifestyle. I want it to be a pattern and a habit of my days. I want the fast food to become a treat, and I want my kitchen to be a place of joy. As far as it will, of course, for a girl who truly despises the act of meal preparation. Simply put, I want to be HEALTHY… period. And this year was a decent start.

I’ll be back this week with my goals and resolution for 2012. It’s my favorite One Word yet!

One Little Word is a yearly challenge issued by Ali Edwards. I also (kind of) participated in the One Word community at Grit and Glory this year. Perhaps you’ll join me in the new year!

I’ll only be tracking the first three goals on the HealthMonth site, but I will also keep track of the other four so that I’ll have a measure for each of them by the end of the month. Here’s to better success in the next 31 days!
 

Below is the snapshot of my month, but let me first address the 3 additional goals that were kept offline. I didn’t fare well on most of them but did see a tiny bit of success during the month:

• Drink at least 4 glasses of plain water every day: though I didn’t do this every day, I did begin to build that habit into my plan. At least a couple days each week I put aside flavored beverages and switched to water, noting that I drink more when I fill a bottle than when I pour a cup full. I also rid the flat of all soda, forcing me to make a special trip if I crave a Coke, and I haven’t been picking up more than 3 large Cokes per week. A vast improvement already!
• Unplug from TV and laptop 1 full day per week: I did leave the TV off for several days during the month, often a couple in a row even, and I put the computer aside once or twice on a couple of evenings, but I never fully unplugged from both at the same time. There’s no excuse for it, either.
• Write story chapters at least 2 days per month: zero percent. Zero. Shameful.

Ultimately, my success graph looked like a roller coaster, and my life points plummeted pitifully. Even the one area that seems to reflect some improvement (exercise) is not accurately represented in that I didn’t actually “walk” two miles each week but rather counted any kind of movement at all as “walking.” I still count that as improvement — anything that qualifies as Moving More is worth registering on the chart — and I now know to be much less specific about my exercise goals if I want my successes to be properly measured. I’m not happy with February’s results, but I am taking what little good was accomplished and building on it for next month.
 

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Friday, February 9: Still attempting to bring my body into submission. But enjoying the daily doses of fruit! Wish I always remembered how good that tastes and didn’t stop adding it to my diet!

Sunday, February 13: Had a half-n-half kinda day today. Made pancakes for D and ate some myself, but chose a salad for lunch. Ended up with regular ranch dressing (not good) and had a large Coke, then got another Coke + a cup of ice cream in the afternoon to make a float. In the evening I chose another salad but with a vinaigrette this time — call it a do-over — and got a bit of potato soup, as well. Not the healthiest day, but some wise choices nonetheless. With springlike weather, I was also able to get a little exercise (or rather, movement) while D played at the park. A really nice day, overall!

Monday, February 14: starting to hit the skids… I can feel it coming on.

Tuesday, February 15: went to bed early after spending much of the day down… didn’t eat much of anything at all.

Wednesday, February 16: Sacrificing as much “fruit” at HealthMonth as possible trying to bring my points back up, but I fear it may not be enough since I’m still sick and unable to eat much or get out of bed for long.

Thursday, February 17: Grateful for some HealthMonth fruit donations. At least I’ve come back up to ground zero, but I fear it’s short-lived.

Friday, February 18: Slowwwwwly gaining my strength back today and cautiously eating a few bland foods. Most of my diet on this day was Coca-Cola but for the main purpose of keeping my stomach settled. No lie!

Sunday, February 20: Food is not currently my friend, and being overly tired today just made me lazy about meals. Got some fruit in and spent the morning on my feet and shuffling around in activity, but I’ve seriously got to get back on track this week.

Wednesday, February 23: So proud of myself for finding elements in the pantry to make a meal in the microwave and then remembering to add veges to the dish, as well. It’s the little things! Too bad I’m completely out of fruit to eat. Groceries are much needed.

Thursday, February 24: I very much liked this day. Nice weather, a little shopping, a beautiful array of fruit from the grocery, and leftovers that still met my goals of veges. Feels good to be getting back on track!

Friday, February 25: It’s impossible to meet certain goals when half the day is spent sleeping as a result of not sleeping the night before. I was lucky just to accomplish any tasks at all on this day, and since I was running errands from daylight to crash, all that concerned me was staying awake. I had a large Coke and a cheap burger(ish) item to keep me from passing out, and then I just hit the bed for the rest of the day. Rotten to drop back below zero points, but some days just can’t be controlled.

Here’s the problem… I don’t like mushy foods. And shredded wheat gets very mushy, very quickly. It gets mushy quicker than the Cheerios. And because I’m pretty hungry by the time I actually get around to breakfast, I always pour more into the bowl than I should and it always, always gets mushy before I can eat it all. [Let's not focus on the obvious solution of pouring less into the bowl. Let's focus on the issue of mushy, okay?] So, today I chose a good breakfast and it got mushy before I could finish half of it. How did I cope with this? I ignored the cereal and just ate up the good stuff.

I think I should learn to appreciate granola.
 

Making lemonade out of these lemons. Eve at grocery store then laundry + something creative overnite. Maybe some movies. Kicking insomnia’s butt, thankuverymuch.
 

And I did just that, for a while. Headed out after 7:00 and spent an hour at my sister’s house talking college prep with her and K2, then went straight to the grocery store and spent more than an hour there. It was nearly midnight when I finally returned home, and I had plans to work on a new daily journal scrap project during the night and to watch a couple of movies I’d picked up as free rentals. First, I had a good meal featuring the last bit of squash I’d prepared last week and some of the rotisserie chicken I’d picked up at the store. Then I ate an apple. Unfortunately, because I was planning to be awake through the night and through the next day, I also had picked up a Coca-Cola (and a cinnamon-sugar pretzel at the grocery store!). And then I drank a little more Coke after that, during the night, although I did attempt to wean myself a bit by mixing it with Coke Zero in hopes that it would taste okay. It didn’t. It tasted terrible and I won’t be doing that anymore. By morning I had all but quit doing anything productive, though I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. So I went out again to return the movies I’d rented, and while I was driving, with the sun lightening the skies and the roads fairly empty since people had already gone to work, I suddenly had the craving for pancakes. And I chose to get them even though I knew it was a bad choice. I could have returned home and made some myself — I could have made them healthier, even — but I didn’t want to bother. I had a craving and I wanted them and I got them. With another large Coke to wash them down. And I didn’t care.

By Tuesday morning I had simply lost all steam but wasn’t going to bed because I knew I’d be awake again at night and the whole cycle would continue. So I drank more soda to keep me awake and I tried to work a bit on my journal project. And I read blogs. And I watched TV and I surfed the internet and I simply didn’t move. But, despite all of these bad choices, I did manage to experience something new. I didn’t want more bad food. I wanted fruit. And I craved salad. And I followed through. I also switched to water early in the afternoon, and it made me feel very good again. So, while I did give in to temptation and consciously made bad choices, I also turned it around and made a few good ones. I wanted to turn it around. That, my friends, is the most progress I’ve made in months.

spaghetti squash with lemon and tomatoes (based on this recipe)

 

zucchini and rice casserole with Italian sausage and cream cheese sauce (taken from this recipe)

 

and a quick sauté of the remaining squash with a bit of onion, salt and pepper, just the way my mother makes it