It seems all I ever talk about anymore is how insomnia is kicking my rear and I’m never quite awake or effective when I need to be. It’s really starting to bore me! Yet here I am in the same position for months and months. Stagnant, I believe is what I called it last year. On Monday I’d had enough. The first thing I did upon getting out of bed at FIVE-TWENTY-EIGHT P.M. (!!!) was post this statement to Twitter:
Making lemonade out of these lemons. Eve at grocery store then laundry + something creative overnite. Maybe some movies. Kicking insomnia’s butt, thankuverymuch.
And I did just that, for a while. Headed out after 7:00 and spent an hour at my sister’s house talking college prep with her and K2, then went straight to the grocery store and spent more than an hour there. It was nearly midnight when I finally returned home, and I had plans to work on a new daily journal scrap project during the night and to watch a couple of movies I’d picked up as free rentals. First, I had a good meal featuring the last bit of squash I’d prepared last week and some of the rotisserie chicken I’d picked up at the store. Then I ate an apple. Unfortunately, because I was planning to be awake through the night and through the next day, I also had picked up a Coca-Cola (and a cinnamon-sugar pretzel at the grocery store!). And then I drank a little more Coke after that, during the night, although I did attempt to wean myself a bit by mixing it with Coke Zero in hopes that it would taste okay. It didn’t. It tasted terrible and I won’t be doing that anymore. By morning I had all but quit doing anything productive, though I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. So I went out again to return the movies I’d rented, and while I was driving, with the sun lightening the skies and the roads fairly empty since people had already gone to work, I suddenly had the craving for pancakes. And I chose to get them even though I knew it was a bad choice. I could have returned home and made some myself — I could have made them healthier, even — but I didn’t want to bother. I had a craving and I wanted them and I got them. With another large Coke to wash them down. And I didn’t care.
By Tuesday morning I had simply lost all steam but wasn’t going to bed because I knew I’d be awake again at night and the whole cycle would continue. So I drank more soda to keep me awake and I tried to work a bit on my journal project. And I read blogs. And I watched TV and I surfed the internet and I simply didn’t move. But, despite all of these bad choices, I did manage to experience something new. I didn’t want more bad food. I wanted fruit. And I craved salad. And I followed through. I also switched to water early in the afternoon, and it made me feel very good again. So, while I did give in to temptation and consciously made bad choices, I also turned it around and made a few good ones. I wanted to turn it around. That, my friends, is the most progress I’ve made in months.
